Bad sharer

Is what I am. What's up with that?

I have a fairly carefully organized system of making-things-happen in my head, and "sharing" is not anywhere on the little sort of tree... along which things I may or may not be working move...

Of course I shared during workshops, that was the whole point, why I applied for the things, but I had to kind of suck it up and make myself do it. I was never, ever enthused about reading when it was my turn. But of course I was secretly pleased when I was complimented, which wasn't terribly infrequent. Some people gave more useful commentary than others, but that's normal. I'm afraid I wasn't very useful as a commenter... I was probably too wrapped up in the "ack I'm sharing now" to focus and think about other people's stuff. (Dude also some of it was just really bad, not that mine was good, but man.)

But now, if someone asks to see what I write (as of late), it just somehow doesn't surface as an option, even when I'm asked directly, nicely... it's just not done. By me.

Why so stubborn, stower???

I stow things! Cache them! They do not see the light of day, not real people day, not people I know day, o no!

I am afraid I won't be able to give enough back for the other person, I am afraid I won't be able to articulate the reasons I had for writing what I did, I am afraid I won't have any reasons in the end, I am afraid it will all be a funny paper costume torn down as soon as someone else looks at it. I can't give it away, when I disclose it's like I've lost what I've disclosed! Just like always! I am full of something finite and it goes away.

I know this is stupid!